On the Spectrum of Fabulous, This Takes the Cake

When I was growing up, Lent looked a lot like giving up cake. I’d try each year to give up something like eating broccoli but was denied and asked to give something up that would be more meaningful (read: difficult).

As an adult, I decided that Lent is actually about redemption and celebration versus suffering.

I’ve changed the rules of Lent to provide an opportunity for thoughtful contemplation and increasing enjoyment instead of trying out suffering for 40 days.

This year, several of my couples therapy clients inspired my Lenten practice. In our work together, a primary focus with couples is on helping both parties remember what they like about their partner. For each of my couples, their current homework is to orient around what they really enjoy in their relationship. Not shoving problems under the rug but rebalancing the focus towards enjoyment and away from frustration.

(By the way, did you know I actually love working with couples? While my primary practice is about helping individuals tame the dragon of anxiety, couples work is super rewarding.)

For Lent in 2025, I am telling my husband every day something that delights me about him, our life together, or life in general.

Why? Well, there is so much stress these days being systematically presented to us, so much outrage and a general drop in civility despite this being some of the most peaceful, prosperous and healthy times ever experienced as humans on earth. I figured it would be nice for both of us to deliberately focus on the good.

So…what delights you? And who do you want to tell about it?

Broaden your focus from all-problems-all-the-time to the full range of human experience, starting with delight. Don’t worry, the problems will still be there, we’re not pretending they don’t exist. However, there is real power in shifting your mindset. What we focus on increases in both scope (all the details we can see about something) and intensity (how we feel about something), so deliberately focusing on delight feels, well, delightful.

I am excited to hear about what you noticed.