Lessons From a Plane Crash

In the way, way back time machine right about 30 years ago, I came home from a run and had an epiphany. Now this was a (very) short lived period of time when I was 1. A runner and 2. Lived in Atlanta, Georgia.

That day in 1994, I had no idea a simple news article would serve as a foundational piece of my theoretical approach to growth, change and the meaning of life.

I came back from my run and was sitting at my kitchen table, reading the newspaper before I left for work. It was a weekday, which I can remember because the front page was all black and white (color printing was reserved only for the weekends back then). At the bottom of the front page was a grainy picture, showing a small plane sticking out from the front of a small house. The house was flanked by all the greenery you see in Georgia, where it’s kind of like living in a jungle, with a major tree canopy and a tangle of grass and bushes and undergrowth everywhere. The house was modest and simple, the style of the times.

From what I remember, the plane crashed right into where an older couple sat in the living room to have their coffee and read the paper in the mornings. Except that the moment the plane crashed into the house neither of them was sitting there. He had just gotten up to use the bathroom and she had gone into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. Had they deviated even seconds from their respective tasks in the moment, one or both of them surely would have perished as the small craft careened out of airspace and into the house.

The flash of understanding that came over me was this: we have very little control over life’s twists and turns. Now this can make you quite fearful, always looking over your shoulder for whatever calamity is coming next. Or, you can live with a remarkable amount of confidence, controlling the variables you can, and just turning over the rest. It meant, to me, both then and now, that both free will and fate are constantly intersecting and shifting our lives.

The conclusion I came to is that it is critical to control what you can and leave the rest to unfold as it unfolds. It’s a bit of alchemy, combining the ingredients of active choice, curiosity, trust and acceptance of reality. When the right balance is achieved, the result is golden.

Let’s do a quick assessment! Often, we are attempting to control what is actually beyond our control (wanting guaranteed outcomes, needing to know how things will turn out in the future, wishing the past was different) and forgetting to actively manage things we do have agency over (all our regular habits are here, as well as daily choices to improve health, finances, and social connections).

Identify: what are you passively leaving up to fate that you could and should actually control more? Ask: what are you resisting that you could and should actually leave up to fate/let unfold naturally?

Let me know your answers by commenting below. I look forward to hearing from you!