The Utility of Getting Scared, But Not Too Scared
2 true statements:
1. I am afraid of heights
2. Last month I found myself voluntarily hanging off of a 12,000 cliff
Why on earth would I organize, pay for and look forward to #2 if #1 is true? There are several reasons including that I love novelty, like pushing myself both physically and mentally, prioritize doing fun things with my friends and I really, really like being outdoors in the mountains. Nonetheless, I was aware that at some point on this adventure I would likely remember that heights scare me.
Our brains, after all, are like little machines designed to describe, evaluate and problem solve. Sometimes this looks like a nice, neat, clear procession from describing a process: "I’m signed up to do a Via Ferrata" (a guided, challenging rock climbing adventure) to evaluating: "This sounds like a fun thing to do with my friends and seems pretty safe" (you’re harnessed in the whole time), to problem solving: "I’ll make sure to remind my friends about my heights-fear-thing".
What often happens, however, looks more like describe, judge and flip out. This happens to all of us from time to time. Even people like me who teach this stuff aren’t immune to the flip out portion of brain functioning. How this arrived at 12,000 feet was when I went from “Oh! This is cool and little scary but I’ve got this” to “Nope! Nope! Nope! I’m going to DIE!!” when I changed positions in our lineup to be last in line.
It was irrational. It was also a moment of pure fear. I couldn’t quite get my feet back under me and continue climbing because I was too scared. Even as I knew intellectually that I wasn’t technically any less safe than when I was sandwiched in the middle of the lineup, it was just too much emotional exposure to keep me moving forward. Fortunately, I was able to notice what I was doing (flipping out) and to pop back into problem solving mode and ask for some help. The very generous friend who had already been bringing up the end of line for the group switched with me and we were able to continue on to the summit.
What’s the lesson in all of this? Push yourself hard? Not really. It’s more like don’t let fear stop you from doing cool things AND give yourself some grace when you’ve pushed a little too far. So, what is the thing that you’ve been judging as too hard? What is the thing that you don’t start ‘cause you’re not sure what the outcome will be? Maybe you write the proposal and send it off, maybe you ask out that cutie you’ve had your eye on, maybe you take the trip you’ve always thought about. But, maybe, you do any of these things with a little bit of a safety net in case it starts feeling too hard.
Only you can know where your edges are and how far to push, but I hope you can use your brain to evaluate and problem solve your way towards progress instead of just staying stuck.
As always, let me know your thoughts. And, feel free to send me pics of your summer adventures. I love to stay connected.
