The Principles of Psychological Flexibility

13 minutes into a 3-hour group training I was facilitating last Friday, the fire alarm went off.  Now we figured this was just a silly drill that would last 5 minutes.  Turns out, it was a real alarm reporting a heightened level of carbon monoxide in the building and wasn’t a 5 minute thing. At all.

Standing on the street corner a block away from the building, we followed instructions of the building staff and waited patiently in the designated gathering spot.  All of our stuff had been left inside the building, because, you know, we figured this was just going to be a quick drill and we wanted to do the right thing and leave when the alarm went off.

In a major ironic twist, the presentation that day was on keeping psychological flexibility in the face of hardship, and not dipping into becoming a victim.  This is funny, since the exact skills we needed to pivot in the face of our unexpected afternoon were based on psychological flexibility: 

-We needed to accept the reality we had, versus the reality was expected. 

-We needed to work with what unfolded, instead of demanding what we wanted. 

-We needed to figure out our next best move based on what options we actually had in front of us, regardless of what was convenient. 

What this looked like was the whole group of us standing outside for a while, in the designated spot.  After a fascinating experience of watching a giant fire truck and a giant semi-truck try to occupy the same road space (the fire truck won), we waited for an update.  This took a long time.  As we were waiting, the head of the team came over to me so we could strategize.  We determined that even if we were let back in soon, the time had passed for an engaged training.  Best option?  Reschedule.

The team leader gave everyone the go ahead to disperse.  Some went home (they had brought their things with them), some went to grab a drink at the brewery next to us.  I went to wait in my car.  I had a chance to be upset or be relaxed or to read or talk on the phone or just stare into space while I waited to be able to collect my computer.  I chose to just relax, and smiled at the irony of getting to practice psychological flexibility.  2 hours later, I was on my way. 

Next time life hands you an unexpected or unwelcome or just plain different reality than you were counting on, see if you can apply the principles of psychological flexibility.  I’ll look forward to hearing how it goes.